


on the bridge

by d8night



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Gen, Humanstuck, References to Suicide, Suicide Attempt, that's basically all this fic is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d8night/pseuds/d8night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Vriska Serket, and you're three seconds away from killing yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	on the bridge

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't...been feeling my best lately, and one of the only ways I could think of even trying to feel better was to write my feelings. I felt like Vriska would relate the most to this. Big big big trigger warning for suicide, obviously.

Your name is Vriska Serket, and you're three seconds away from killing yourself.

You don't know how you got here, but you do know that you're standing on the railing of a bridge, staring down at rushing water. You know that you don't want to be alive anymore, that you want more than anything to fall into the water below you and cease to exist.

You try thinking back to how it got this bad, to when it started, and you discover that that is an impossibility. Did it start when your parents were screaming at each other for hours on end about God knows what, or later, when your father stormed out of the house for good? Or did it start when your mother started having higher expectations for you, and you let her down completely by skipping school and stealing cigarettes and smoking them in odd places? Was it when you realised you had no friends and no one wanted to be around you? Or when you got into a fight with that girl who loves digging things up over who even knows?

You crouch down and place your arms on your knees, resting your chin on them. If you're going to do it, the time is now. But now you're staring at the sky in front of you, the dark blue of the coming night. You'll never see that blue again. You'll never see any colour again.

But that's fine with you. You wipe a tear away from your eye and stand up again, focusing on a certain spot in the water. You lean forward slightly, but stop when you hear someone's voice near you.

"Wait, stop! Vriska!"

You look over your shoulder and see a boy running up the bridge toward you, his mohawk shining slightly in the fading light. You grimace at his presence, but don't stop off the railing. "And what the hell do _you_ want, Toreasnore?"

He winces at your insult, but takes another step closer to you. "I-I'm here because...no, s-see, the thing is..." He steadies himself as best as he can before clenching his fists and saying, "I don't want you to die, Vriska!"

You stare at him in surprise, unable to honestly believe the words that have just come from his mouth. This was the boy that you forced to go out with you, the boy you tortured with cats, even though you knew he was allergic to them, the boy you pushed down a flight of stairs for fun. And here he was, telling you not to jump off of this bridge.

"Look, Tavros," you say, sneering at him. "If I want to kill myself, I'm gonna do it! There's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind."

Tavros looks down at his feet, and you follow his gaze. He's still wearing those God-awful sandals with socks, and you're reminded of how many times you teased him for it. Why did you do that to him?

Why did you do any of it, really? Why did you push Tavros down the stairs, something that landed him in a wheelchair for a year, and why did you get in fights with Terezi, who at one point was your best friend? You gulp as you remember the last fight between the two of you, one that ended with you actually scratching her across the eyes. Her vision had been damaged beyond repair. You feel sick again.

"I'm not...I'm not worth anything, Tavros," you start to say, your voice quiet. "I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. I've done awful--terrible--things, and I can't make up for it. I deserve to die." A few tears come to your eyes, but you shake your head slightly. You won't cry. Not for your horrible existence.

You can feel Tavros's eyes on your back, but you won't look at him. You know he doesn't know what to say, how to comfort you. You wouldn't deserve any words of kindness anyway, from him or anyone else.

"So just let me die, okay?"

And that's when you begin to cry. Choked sobs at first, but then loud wails, as tears cascade down your cheeks. You scream into the night, not knowing what you want but knowing you want something. You hold your face in your hands, and you consider getting down from the ledge so you don't accidentally fall over, but no, that's stupid and you're stupid and you're just standing above the water, unsure of what to do with yourself.

But then you feel a pair of hands at your waist, and someone's guiding you down from the railing, and before you know it, you're collapsing in Tavros's arms, shamelessly sobbing into his shirt. You know that you don't have the right to be doing this. You should be dead. You should be dead, but this stupid boy just saved your life, and not because he had to make things better. He did it because he wanted you to be alive, to stay alive. It's so stupid, how selfless that was, how selfless he is.

You cry into Tavros's chest for what seems like hours, days even, but you finally start to quiet down. You don't know what to say to him, now that he's seen this other, even uglier side to you. You grip his shirt and mutter a quiet "thanks" to him, then shake your head.

You feel a hand on your head, and at once, you know he's forgiven you. You know that forgiveness won't come so easily from everyone else in your life, but it's a start. It's a big start.

"Thank you, Tavros," you whisper, this time from the bottom of your heart. You can feel that it's still aching, but it's finally on its way to healing.


End file.
